I am jealous of her

I am  jealous of her.

I am jealous of the girl who can reach high notes and can jam with a band,because I cannot do that. I can only dance with your heartbeat and sing your lullabies for you.

I am jealous of the girl you had plans of running away with, of escaping the reality into the dreams of your love. I can never be her because I am living in reality.

I am jealous of the girl with perfect body and abs flaunting because I cannot flaunt any. I do not have the perfect summer body to show. All I have is an athlete body with scars that made me strong.

I am jealous of the girl you are with when you are still growing. The girl who witnessed how foolish you are and laugh at your dumbest acts, because I can never travel back, I can only witness how you move on with the future.

I am jealous of the girl who you wear matching t-shirts with and with couple selfies posted publicly because I was only in the private part of it.

I am jealous of the girl you dreamed of. The girl you can always show off to your family and friends because I’m just at the back stage of your show.

I am jealous of the girl who broke your heart. She must have been so precious that your heart was torn into pieces. I have only glued the pieces back together but I can never be her because your heart is too weak to  be shattered.

I am jealous of the girl you receive letters from. Whose letters are kept and sealed in your heart because I am too showy to even put it in writing.

I am jealous of the girls you had before me because everything I have from you, they had it first.

I am so jealous of her that I cannot even realize that she should be jealous of me.

She should be jealous of me because I can sing your favorite lullabies and sleep next to you.I can dance to the rhythm of your heartbeat that no one else can hear.

She should be jealous of me because I am your home, and no matter how far you wander you will always come back to me.

She should be jealous of me because I have lived with my purpose.I may not have the perfect body but I am wholesomely  yours.

She should be jealous of me because I am with you on your journey to the future while she will just remain a part of the past.

She should be jealous of me because you and I are intimate. We do not wear matching outfits in public but we have the same PJ’s and matching rings.

She should be jealous of me because I am living in your reality. I was not part of a dream that can be lost when you suddenly wake up.

She should be jealous of me because I was your refuge, I have fixed you and I will never broke your heart. I will love you until I can and until you allow me to.

She should be jealous of me because I can tell you anything I wanted to without any hesitation,   and talk to you whenever I wanted to because you and I are always together.

She should be jealous of me because you had chosen me (and left her).

She should be jealous of me because I may not be your first but I am your last.

I am  was jealous of her.

 

-N

 

 

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