I almost lost but I never quit.

I was just about to officially enter the world of adulthood. The world where I can do any thing without permission because I am officially old enough to know what is right and wrong.

Why “officially “? because I am turning 18. Few months to go and I will already be labeled as a young lady.

Well that was several years back. The day that was supposed to be the most fulfilling year of a lady’s life turn out to be the most sorrowful year.

Few months before I celebrate my debut.. my mother died. The only person who loved me wholeheartedly was taken away from me. Can you imagine the pain I had to endure by myself? The only parent who stood up by my side in my 17years of existence gave up on me and surrendered her life to the Lord.

Did I cry? Of course.

Did I grieve? Totally.

Did I blamed myself? Yes

Did I gave up life? No.

Did I quit? No

It was in the middle of midterm week. I was torn between grieving and studying.I couldn’t force my brain to function scholarly when it was so busy sending signals to my aching heart.I couldn’t go to school neither. I couldn’t think of anything else to do than to bury myself in the world of emotions hoping to find a tiny light that can save me from drowning.

I felt alone. I felt dying—- no let me change that.. I almost died…emotionally.

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But then I suddenly saw a light and  felt  warm hug. I knew it was her. I knew it was mom telling me to be strong and reminding me that I can do it.

Did I cry? Liters of it.

Did I grieve? Totally

Did I gave up? No

Did I quit? Never!

When I went back to the University I was a better person. I have goals and determination to make my mom’s sacrifices worth it.

I juggle academics and student council.I need to achieve a certain grade to maintain my academic scholarship and I have to perform my duties as a student leader while also letting myself enjoy extra curricular activities.I have a lot of stuffs in the palm of my hands that I sometimes cannot grasp.Pretty much I kept myself busy..or should I say, I just did not have the choice.

No matter how I whisper “I can do this independently” a soft voice would say I cannot.

My body almost gave up and made me sick for a couple of days. I need to take care of my sick self because no one was there for me. (insert tears) —-Well that’s just to make the story more dramatic. Truth is, I was lucky enough to be blessed by friends I consider family. They showered me with love and extended their family for me.In times when I did not know where else to go, their home always welcomes another human. They were my family when I thought I had none. In fact, they were more than a family to me.

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My life could’ve been chaotic had I dwell in my life’s situation. I could’ve not made it if God did not sent His angels. I could’ve reached doom but I was revived. I lost life’s battle but I never gave up. I even managed to  graduate with flying colors and successfully had my internship in a far away place (alone). Despite all the hardships, I made it! I surpassed the test of life and I dedicate this all to MOM.

That was several years ago. ..

Today is the time of the year again when photos about graduation are flooded on the Internet. More achievements had been accomplished and sacrifices has all been paid off. Congratulations to the Batch 2017! This is just the beginning, if you have been tough already, be tougher!

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For those who are still struggling. No matter how close you are to giving up please don’t. If you have a goal in mind and a dream to pursue,  go for it no matter what! You may lost several battles of life, you may lost some people who you love dearly but please do not quit .

 

You can cry.

You can grieve.

You must never give up!

You must never quit!


 

 I lost in life’s battle several times but I never and will never quit until I win.

 

 

-N

 

 

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