Nagising na lang akong hindi na nya ako mahal..

Flashback.

Isulat natin to sa tagalog para damang dama mo.

Dumating ka sa buhay ko ng biglaan.
Hindi naman kita hinanap.
Hindi rin naman kita inakit.
Bigla ka nalang dumating, nagpakilala,nanatili.
Nanalagi.. Ilang taon.
Ilang taon din diba?
Tagal na pala.
Ang tagal na pala nating mahal ang isat isa.
Ang tagal na pala tayong hindi makaalis ng wala ang isa.
Ang tagal na palang naging automatic mo akong kasama.
Sa lakad nyo ng tropa.. Kahit sa paglalaro mo ng dota.
Naalala mo nung pumunta pa tayo ng sagada?
Parang wala ng bukas dba?!
Tang ina sobrang saya!
Isinigaw mo pa sa mga ulap kung gano ako kahalaga.
Isinumpa mo pa sa araw at sinabing “mahal na mahal kita”,walang iwanan ha?
At yung ano..
Yung mga pagkaen sa kanto.
Natatandaan mo?
Kahit dun lang tayo kumaen tayo’y kontento.
Isang tusok ng kwek kwek na sampo bawat tatlo.
Isang inihaw na barbeque,hotdog at palamig na puro sago.
Kahit di man tayo pumunta sa mamahaling resto.
Ang mahalaga magkasama tayo.
Saya diba?
Inaantay ko na nga lang na tanungin mo ko..
Inaantay ko na nga lang na lumuhod ka sa harap ko para masabi kong oo!
Pero..
Lumuhod ka nga..
Oo nga..
Lumuhod ka pala.
Pero hindi para sabihing mahal na mahal kita papakasal ka ba?
Pero para sabihing.. Pasensya.
May mahal na akong iba.

-n

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What it feels when you’re leaving and why you should overcome it.

Saying goodbye is always the hardest part. How can you leave when you’re already accustomed to the comfort of it? You have been with it for so long.. You already knew the flaws and still love every part of it. You already knew how to tickle the sweet part and forget the dark sides..

Some would ask,why would you leave something you are so comfortable with?

My answer? I don’t know.

Maybe the answer already lies in the question. I am way too comfortable, I am no longer challenged; or maybe, I don’t think growth comes along side with comfort.

Whatever the reason may be.. The feeling will still be the same. Leaving something is always and will always brings you sepanx( separation anxiety). Everything will be slow mo,making you reminisce all the good stuffs that happened during your years of stay. And as you try to pack your things, each has its own story. No matter how old that stuff may be,you will remember its history. Then as you roam around and spend your remaining days, you will appreciate every little thing, every person, every moment. You will notice even the slightest change, the smallest matter occupying a space in your place…

Suddenly you will find your self,thinking..

Should I leave or stay?

These occurrence will make you ponder,leaving your mind confused. The choice between leaving or staying will play on repeat.

Now,the moment of deciding comes..

Will you stay or leave?

It may be hard,actually it is the hardest,but you have to go through it. You just need to understand that as you withdraw from the situation,organization or relationship ,the memories will still remain with you as you go,it may leave you baffled;but keep in mind why you consider leaving at all.

Overcome the anxiety by savoring it but not holding unto it for so long. Store it as a memory but not as a chain to keep holding on.

(PS: Have you been stranded in some thing because you just can’t let go of the memories? Comfort? Share your story,and let’s figure it out!.)

-n

100 FACTS ABOUT ME

I am way exhausted about wrong perceptions and stories about me which I don’t even know happened or occured. Like WTH? If you’re interested to get to know me better and beyond the hear say’s go on and take time to read this post, but if  not then  you’re free to leave. 😀


Here’s the 100 random facts about me.

  1. I was born in 1993.
  2. I am the only child
  3. I love chocolates
  4. I love surprises.
  5. I am short tempered and impatient.
  6. I love performing. (dancing/ theatrical presentations/play)
  7. (In connection to number 6 ) I was part of the Special program in the arts in High School and majored Theater arts.
  8. I cried when I competed for Monologue (Romeo and Juliet piece) because I was so nervous and pissed at the same time with the thought that no one was there to support me. But turns out they’re just late.
  9. I have my mini toy showroom when I was a kid.
  10. There are distant relatives who wants to adopt me and whenever they visit us, I hid underneath my bed until they left.
  11. My mother died when  I was 17 years old.
  12. I miss my mom everyday.
  13. I used to hate my father whenever I experience misfortune and every time I see my mom exhausted.
  14.  I witnessed and was abused (physically and emotionally)
  15. I fought someone with a knife.
  16. I love writing and expressing my feelings through it.
  17. I gave a friend a custom made poem for her birthday.
  18. I competed feature writing in Elementary and won.
  19. I was also forced by our adviser to represent our school for Tigsik writing even if I don’t know what it is and how to do it, but ended up winning 3rd place out of 5 awards.
  20. I used to write short stories and novels.
  21. I graduated Salutatorian in Elementary and Cum Laude in College.
  22. I flank infront of the whole campus and ended up getting a round of applause.
  23. I dumped one of my suitors through a blog post. HAHA
  24. I was called to report to the Guidance office because I bully my classmate and call her “Imang”. ( a name given to a hunchback fictional character )
  25.  During elementary days, I was always the batch’s representative in school pageants.
  26. My favorite street game is Tumbang Preso.
  27. I was elected President of the Math Club in our school, but I’m actually bad at it.
  28. I was given a low grade by our adviser in Grade 2 because I unintentionally told her I don’t like her birthday gift. ( I didn’t mean it though)
  29. I don’t like hard rock music and metal.
  30. The church was my comfort. I used to ran off home and went to church just to cry my heart out.
  31. I love playing scrabble, and missed playing it now.
  32. I punched someone in the stomach because his bullying me.
  33. I am a very picky eater.
  34. I was enrolled to a summer painting class before because I always cry  and complain that my drawing is bad.
  35. I like adventures.
  36. I don’t like seafoods. Allergic to it too.
  37. I can eat chicken only my entire life.
  38. I can’t eat fried milkfish without tomato ketchup.
  39. I played soccer in College.
  40. and hit 3 goals during Intramurals. Talk about LUCK 😀
  41. My friends surprised me on my 18th and 19th birthday and it was the best birthday ever.
  42. I spent my 23rd birthday on a plane and ended up in Hongkong and Macau. (This is the best-est birthday 😀 )
  43. I watched A walk to remember more than 5 times and still cry hard.
  44. I love the series titled “SUITS”.
  45. I have a high achievement need.
  46. I don’t drink  beer.
  47. I love avocado, watermelon, melon and mango.
  48. I love Milk tea!
  49. I can’t finish a cup of coffee. 2 sips will do.
  50. I can’t eat more than 3 fishball, kikiam etc.
  51. I am competitive.
  52. Me and my friends locked ourselves in our room so we won’t pay the entrance fee of the ball.
  53. I used to sell “recycled items” as long as its glittery when I was in Elementary. Talk about being business minded eh?
  54. I used to love chemistry way back in College and had a BS Chem ex- boyfriend 😀
  55. Me and my friends locked ourselves at our room and hid behind the cabinets so we would not pay for the grand ball’s entrance fee.
  56. I’m kuripot.
  57. I am very sentimental.
  58. I am bad at showing my weak spot to my family.
  59. I eat a lot.
  60. I don’t like wearing uniforms
  61. I have multiple social media accounts in one media because i frequently forget my password.
  62. I hate nosy people
  63. My ideal breakfast is either pancakes, and bread.
  64. Its my weird dream to be a maid of honor.
  65. I had a daughter at 20 years old.
  66. I experienced spending New Years Eve on the street alone.
  67. I played volleyball even if I’m 4 months pregnant.
  68. I did zipline superman style when I was 4 months pregnant.
  69. My favorite color is white.
  70. I had a TV interview once.
  71. I slept in a haunted house two nights.
  72. I’m acrophobia and trypophobia.
  73. I joined pageant several times. (forced to)
  74. My favorite day is Wednesday. I don’t know why but I used to dress well and feel well during Wednesday.
  75. I hate false promised and cancelled plans. I want everything to be well planned.
  76. I cried over a dead bird I stepped on.
  77. My day will not be complete without checking Instagram.
  78. I’m not a pet lover. I once had a pet and found it the mouth of our house cat.
  79. I pet 2 guinea pigs named Kari and Poku.
  80. I have a bad memory and short term memory problem.
  81. Bu I think that I have a minor photographic memory ability. I tend to remember things after I see it.
  82. I love public speaking.
  83. I am an emcee since college, and hosted a wedding
  84. My blood type is A+. and just learned it last 2014, all the while i thought I am Blood O.
  85. My weirdest gift wish list is a dictionary.
  86. I always say what I want to say regardless of how harsh it is.
  87. I am competitive.
  88. I have a product development/ brand manager profession.
  89. I think I am a semi bi sexual
  90. I have a lot of nicknames depending on the group of friends.
  91. I love having a relaxing body massage and spa treatments.
  92. I am indecisive.
  93. I sprained my thumb because of playing volleyball.
  94. I am not confident with my teeth.
  95. the first big concert  I attended to was Shaw Mendez at MOA.
  96. I can sense if someone is taking photograph of me.
  97. I like being the subject of a photo.
  98. I am ambidextrous.
  99. I am either lazy or super industrious. nothing in between.
  100. My name is Nicole,and these are the 100 random facts about me.

 

 

 

  • N

 

SELF REALIZATIONS VOL 2 “Blame it on my Zodiac (Scorpio)”

Have you ever been in a situation wherein you just want to be alone and shut down the world? Like you realized that you have the tendency to push people away, when all they want to do was to help you out?

I did! Always, maybe?

I recently had a fight with someone because I was pissed off about  the thought that this person is lecturing me about something I thought I already figured out.  S/He was startled and left after telling me these words “Ikaw na nga tinutulungan, ikaw pa ang galit” — Then comes awkward silence.  The silence drift me away to realizations that”yeah! I think this person was right after all. ”  Maybe I was being mean perceiving that they do not think I know what I am doing, or that they are just messing with  my ideas; because on the other side of the coin they are just genuinely suggesting and  helping me with  an  alternative.

A friend once told me that maybe it was because of my zodiac. People who were born under  the  zodiac of Scorpio are usually defensive and over thinkers. They protect themselves so much that they tend to dismiss the help offered  by others thinking that it has ulterior motive, and shut down the people who tends to show love. They know their territory and protect it by all means, and that Ladies and Gentlemen…is so me..

Now what shall we do about this Scorpio’s?

Well.. we could always blame it on our zodiac and say WTF! I’m a Scorpio!

But we can’t! It doesn’t work that way. Before we would realize the recourse of our actions, people already lost the will to  keep and understand us. So before they get tired f the understanding the stubborn Scorpio, let the change start little by little.

As for me, I am practicing the art of MATURITY. 2017 has shown me lessons telling me how immature I still am. So this 2018, i will make sure to master the art before I can no longer apply it on someone else because I wont have anyone else anymore.

 

-N

Self Realizations Volume 1

This may be 25 days late but, I am still amazed by the fact that another year has ended and we are now on the page of the new one.

For me, 2017 was a year of Learnings. I couldn’t say that it was the best year nor the worst one, but rather it was the year when I finally “somewhat” get to know myself more. The year when I “somewhat” figure things out. I was faced with obstacles that forced to do “adulting”.

To share with you some pointers, here are the things I learned last 2017.

 

  1. NEVER TO RELY ON OTHERS,EXCEPT YOURSELF
  2. WHAT YOU DON’T KNOW WON’T HURT YOU
  3. PATIENCE IS REALLY A VIRTUE
  4. IF YOU WANT TO STEP UP, START NOW!
  5. NO ONE CAN BETTER UNDERSTAND YOU THAN YOURSELF.
  6.  YOU SHOULD LEARN  TO CARE LESS
  7. HOW NOT TO LET OTHER’S DEFINE WHO YOU ARE
  8. HOW GIVING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN RECEIVING
  9.  NO MATTER HOW KIND YOU ARE, SOME PEOPLE WILL STILL BE A BITCH
  10. SOME PEOPLE WILL HATE EVERY BIT OF YOU AND ALL YOU CAN DO IS ACCEPT THAT AND MOVE ON.
  11.  THIS IS YOUR LIFE. DON’T LIVE TO PLEASE OTHERS. PLEASE GOD INSTEAD.

 

 

 

 

 

-N

Remembering.. Before I forgot

It’s the 3rd day of the new year. I was sitting on my office chair trying to contemplate the what to do’s and stuffs I need to accomplish, when  I received an email from WordPress greeting me for my blog anniversary. Then I thought, Ugh! Right! It was January last year when I started to rekindle with my first passion.

As I checked my blog site, I realized I only have few posts. I haven’t got the chance to update it every once in a while. Maybe due to a very busy schedule I am prioritizing lately.

Why did I ever start writing here in the first place? —  I have started this blog because I wanted to find myself again. The old me who finds joy in spilling thoughts though the ink of a pen. The old me who fill pages of a notebook with either short stories, scripts, poems or any random diaries. Then guilt started to eat my system. What happened to rekindling? I felt guilty that somewhere in the one year that ended, I have neglected, not the blog itself but, the real me. .. the old me.  No matter how I work to bring it back it just doesn’t work the same way before. It is not my priority anymore, nor maybe part of the list.

Time restrictions were to blame, wasn’t it? or was it my maturity and change of priorities? I work eight (8) hours a day,sometimes more, meet with family and friends after work and the rest was either to prepare for the next day or was already consumed by the traffic situation I am always in. I can barely sleep 8 hours , and could not even manage to spend a lot of time for my daughter. I don’t even have time to read books like I used to. It’s all piled up in the shelves waiting to be valued again. Oh God! I miss the good old days. I have been long deprived of the ME time that I can no longer recall how to make the fire burning,so I could write endlessly and passionately once again. I can no longer find the energy to finish a book in a day or two because I am drained, emotionally and physically.

 

I miss me..

I miss the old me..

 

Maybe this is what they call adulting right?

The habits and priorities have changed. You can no longer practice the YOLO and come what may principle. Everything should be weighed before arriving with a decision. Gone are the days when you could be so spontaneous. Maybe adulting allow us to evaluate what really matters. What among all those, are worthy of your time and attention, and sometimes it makes you give up your passion if you could not have time for it.

But, giving up is not my option. Maybe I won’t update every time but I will find time for it. I will still try to find the light..the fire. Still try to awaken some parts of the old me..so it will not be forgotten. So it will once again live and make my life colorful again..so it will make me complete..

Once again..

 

 

 

-N

My mom spoke to me in my dream..

I will do what I want.

Go where I want

And live the life I envisioned.

 



I remember the dream I had last night. It was my Mom.

The setting was New Year’s Eve and I was about to get Zoe from somewhere and went back to mom to ask her to come with us to spend the New Years Eve at our relatives house.. But Mom told me just to stay. she said “Just stay here”. “Stay here where you are loved genuinely” “Dito nalang tayo”.

And that was the moment after so long that I felt loved again. She was telling me to stay where I am at peace and it is there..not any where else.

It was my mom telling me something. She was communicating to me through my dreams. Before that night, i was anxious and worried I could not make it alone. How will I took care of everything if I finally get Zoe to live with me? Can I make it?

Then I prayed.

Later that night I was answered through that dream.

” dito ka nalang”

” Let’s just stay here..”

Yes Mom. Ill stay with you. Be where I am truly loved.

-N

 

 

 

I do not need your opinion.GFY!

Sunday Currently Vol 2

Here’s what I realized after checking my  blog..

Blogging is really a tough job. It requires a lot of your time too. But if you’re really into it you can blog anywhere and anytime regardless of how busy you are. Yet sometimes, your time will be eaten up by other errands that you will unintentionally sacrifice blogging/writing.

I am guilty of that. I have once told in one of my post that the Sunday Currently will be my saving grace.. It will be my way of updating.. But I failed. I still do.

So to make it up. Here’s my Sunday Currently post Vol 2.

CURRENTLY…

Literally, I am currently at work right now. Changing my day off because I have a dentist appointment on weekday.
WATCHING

Anything on YouTube. Mostly vlogs of Alex Gonzaga and Kryz Uy. I find Alex Gonzaga hilarious! 😂
WAITING

For the call that will change my life. It will mark a beginning of a journey and an ending of one too.

PRAYING

For a positive result on my medical exam. I am not quite sure I am physically fit.

WANTING

Change and Peace of Mind.

I want to change the ways.. The means.. I want to live the life peacefully and happily. I am tired of drama and frustrations.
PLANNING

To move out.
LOOKING

For an affordable apartment in Pasig or Mandaluyong.
So that’s it. That’s my entry for now.😘

-N

Our home away from home.

Whenever my boyfriend and I felt burnt out and need to de stress we always look for ways to release the emotions so it won’t eat us alive. We sometimes watch movie,or eat a lot, but the most satisfying thing to do is to travel.

Traveling together gives us the chance to know each other more. Traveling allow us explore and create memories with each other and also its our way of temporarily leaving the chaos that is stressing us out,so we can go back energized and well charged to face the pressure. When we could not decide where to go,we always find ourselves heading to this place..

…our home away from home..

..our comfort zone…

I have been to Olongapo and Subic 4 times already and every visit is unique.

My first was when we had our first travel together 3 yrs ago. We had a quick Olongapo trip before we head on to Zambales.

Next was when he attended his cousins wedding and went to Oceanview Resort after.

Third time was when we visited Crystal Beach..

And fourth is now!

( not a pro. Dont judge!😂😂😂)

Good thing about Olongapo is you don’t need to spare days just to visit the place because you can opt for a day tour or visit it in just a day.  But,if you want to explore the city you will probably stay more than a day.

Plus, there are a lot of reasons to fall in love with this place. 😍

Went to Gapo to de stress, comes back happier. So that’s how we do it! How about you? Where is your home away from home?😘

-N

Appreciation Post to my Godly woman- MY MOM

VERSE OF THE DAY

Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.” — Proverbs 31:28-29


This is an appreciation post for the Godly woman who continuously inspire me to become a better version of myself – MY MOM.

Death will not change anything mom. You are still and will always be my number one inspiration. You  have been the reason  why I finished my studies. The reason why I strive harder everyday and surpass all life’s challenges. The reason I still breathe despite life’s chaotic nature.

I still recall how you took care of me when I was a child until I grew up. You gave me everything and gave up your life for me. I became your one and only priority.  I know I do not deserve everything but still you love me with no limitations and for that I will be forever grateful.

You are the only Godly woman I look up to. No amount of words would describe how pure your heart is. You have been abused but is still willing to help others. You always see the good in humanity and believe in second chances. I was the complete opposite, but because I believe in you and listen in God’s words, I will try.

For a thousand times let me say I love you and Thank you.

Thank you for everything. Thank you for the overflowing love you have poured out. Thank you for being my number one fan when others do not believe in me. Thank you for being my best friend and confidant. Thank you for being my walking diary when I couldn’t contain what I feel. Thank you for being my source of strength when I am at my weakest. Thank you for my life mom. I will not be here if not for you nor will be where I am now. I love you so much and no amount of words could justify that.

Now that you are with Him now. You have been more blessed because you finally reside in the paradise of our creator.

 

-N


Takeaways:

 HERE ARE 5 CHARACTERISTICS OF A GODLY WOMAN

1. SEEK GOD FIRST: Reject the lie that anything or anyone else can satisfy you.

“But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” – Matthew 6:33-34

2. SPEAK FAITHFULLY: Love others with godly wisdom, boldness, and kindness as a faithful completer of others.

Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” – Genesis 2:18

3. SHOW TRUE BEAUTY: Bodies deteriorate; persons develop. Invest in that which lasts.

Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised. – Proverbs 31:30

4. STAY HUMBLE: Be constantly aware of pride and selfishness. Don’t think less of yourself but think of yourself less.

“Has not my hand made all these things, and so they came into being?” declares the LORD. “These are the ones I look on with favor: those who are humble and contrite in spirit, and who tremble at my word.” – Isaiah 66:2

5. SERVE THE LORD: Set your mind on eternal things, serve the eternal King, and live to please only Him.

“He who loves his life loses it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it to life eternal. If anyone serves Me, he must follow Me; and where I am, there My servant will be also; if anyone serves Me, the Father will honor him.” – John 12:25-26

 

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