When loving someone becomes draining..

You’re alone.. Sitting in a coffee shop tired of leaving life with no one to share this with..
Then life gives you battle you cannot overcome and a knight to save the damsel in distress..

You found yourself falling..
Falling hard..
Falling deeply madly hard with the person..

Without you knowing.. You have lost yourself in the process.

Maybe loving someone so much makes you forget yourself. You forgot who you are.. What you want.How to decide for yourself and what you really aspire for.
You have forgotten the ABCs you knew so well.

You are so consumed in working hard to please the other person that you dismiss your own needs. You run even if you wanted to walk,and drown because you forgot how to swim.

You have forgotten how to stand up for yourself because there’s a knight to save the princess anyway.

You have forgotten how to speak what’s in your mind and do what your body desires to.
You have got tounge tied,because less talk less mistakes right? Even if you knew that you’re quite the talker.

Its always been about the other person. The wants,the needs, the satisfaction of the other.

Its draining..
Its consuming..

But that’s what commitment is about right?

You commit to work hard to improve your relationship.
You commit to do everything for the betterment.

And it should be both of you. Because if its only you who does the work.. Then indeed it is draining.. It’s not love which is consuming.. It is the relationship. Because instead of two way..it becomes one way.

A relationship with only one whose willing to work is draining. Might as well walk out of it. This siuation gives you two choices..

Are you willing to risk being drained for the rest of your life? And will you patiently wait and try to swim until the other person tries to save you? Or just pack your bags and start anew?

Its your choice.

-N

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When love goes wrong..


Recovered from Tumblr account


Earlier this morning I woke up with the Television on and the hosts and guests of the show were discussing on a topic about LOVE and Mistresses. 

The question was, Can we control being in love with someone who is already committed? or in simple terms.. Can we control Love?

I feel like I am obliged to give my own perception about the question, not that I have in one relationship like that, but because I am a lady and I have my own opinion about it and well.. I partly disagree with their answer.

The guests of the show answered “No, we cannot control it. It is not their choice to become a mistress or to ruin a relationship, they just loved.”

I beg to disagree to that statement.

Yes, we just loved and we cannot choose who we fall for (oftentimes) because as they say,  love happens in ways you never expect it to.

But, case to case basis I may say. When it had come to your knowledge that the other person, or “the person you have fallen for” is already committed and worse “married”, you have to pack your bags and go away! Why would you risk being an option?

Originally posted by heckyeahreactiongifs

Think again, do you ever think that this person will give you lifetime of happiness? Do you think that she/he will ever treat you as a priority? Do you think that she/he will gave up what she/he had long before you came just for you? Stop dreaming! Live in reality! Move on! because that will not happen!, for some it may work but its just 1 out of 10.

I know.. I know.. It’s easier said than done. But, …

Originally posted by yourreactiongifs

Being in a wrong relationship will never lead you to the right path. Put yourself in the shoes of the person on the other side of the line. If you were the original, and someone is flirting with your love, how would you feel?

I agree that love is so unconditional and sometimes although our mind is urging us to leave the person, we cannot do it. Why? because our hopes are still high. In the back of our minds, we are still hoping that we will be the priority and we will be the chosen one. But, this is wrong. No matter how many times we flip the coin,  you will still be the grey area.

It won’t happen overnight. You may shed tears. Reminisce the moments.

But its not for you. She/He is not for you.

Someone already has him/her.

Someone is already making him/her happy.

Don’t be the instrument to him/her committing sins of stabbing their partner in the back. Don’t pull the trigger because you don’t deserve it.

You deserve to be a priority not an option.

You deserve his/her 24 hours not his/her 3 hours or MWF.

You deserve him/her full attention, not his/her part time.

You deserve to her universe and not just a portion.

You deserve someone better, someone who is for you.

and for those lying, unfaithful, cheating partner…

Karma’s a bitch! Would you leave your “Forever” just to be with someone whom you think makes you happier now?

If your answer is YES! then Go!

Do not prolong the agony of the person whose expecting you to be the same man/woman they had met years or months ago.

Originally posted by gurl

You don’t deserve him/her. Just leave!

and..piece of advice..

To wrap this up, No we cannot control love but  we have a choice whether to follow cupid or save our self from a lifetime of guilt and follow our damn mind (for once). Cheers! 🙂

-N

9-17-15

Hindi tayo ganon..

Sabi nila, kapag mahal mo lulunukin mo pride mo kahit mabulunan kana, kahit hindi ikaw ang may kasalanan,ikaw yung unang magsosorry kasi ayaw mong lumipas yung buong araw na magkaaway kayo, dahil ayaw mong masayang ang oras nyo sa bangayan at batuhan ng mga masasakit na salita o hindi magkibuan..

pero totoo pala talaga na sa isang relasyon, isa lang ang  ganon.

Isa lang kasi ang mas nagmamahal.

 Isa lang ang handang magpakumbaba para sa kanila.

 Isa lang ang mas umiintindi.

Isa lang ang mas nagmamahal..

Yung isa, naFall nalang. Sumakay nalang. Kaya kahit na magaway okay lang.

Mag hihintay nalang na kibuin, 

Maghihintay na lambingin.

Maghihintay na mahalin ng sobra,

at kung hindi, hahayaan nalang. sumakay nalang din. NAFALL LANG KASI.

Hindi ba pwede na pareho?

Parehong mahal na mahal ang isa’t isa?

Parehong handang magpakumbaba?

Parehong takot mawala ang isa?

Parehong nagbibigay ng sobra?

Parehong umuunawa?

Parehong nagbibigay para sa ikakaayos at ikatatagal ng relasyon?

PANTAY. WALANG KULANG.WALANG BIASE.

Hindi na kailangang mag hintayan kung sino una kikibo o maglalambing dahil sabay kayo gagawa ng paraan para maging maayos.

Hindi na kailangang bilangin kung sino laging umuunawa o umeefort kase pareho nyo alam na kung ano man ang binibigay ng bawat isa ay higit pa sa kailangan.

Kapag ganun, napakasarap siguro magmahal. Wala ka ng nanaisin pang gawin kung hindi ang magmahal dahil nasusuklian ka.. sobra sobra pa sa hinigi mo.

Araw araw nkaukit ang mga ngiti sa mga labi mo dahil araw araw ka nyang pinapasaya.

Lalo pa siguro magiging masarap mabuhay.

Ang sarap siguro..

Kaso hindi tayo ganun..

Hindi tayo ganon..

Hindi.

 


Recovered from Tumblr account

 

The Hunt for Closure.


Recovered post from my Tumblr account.


 

I should have written about this weeks ago but I didn’t. Why? Because of two reasons, First, I do not find time to do so, Second, I cannot find the right words to.

 

I have been hunted for several nights. Three nights of you in my dreams,or maybe more. A week after a week I saw your face appeared in my wildest dreams. Why have you been doing this to me? What do you want?

It was the first night when the dream I had has been put into words when I wrote a poem about it. I knew you were getting married after a week of having that dream and I have nothing to do with it. You know that right? It’s been years already and no communication has been established. Why all of a sudden you would just play with me with the tricks you do of having an unannounced visit in my dreams? What do you want?

How could you just appear and leave no words. Are your skills in leaving me hanging being tested again?

Oh my, please fill me in.. What do you want?

I tried to erase the memories so I would focus on present and leave the visions I had. I do not want it. I do not want you to suddenly appear again and consume my thoughts. No, not ever again!

I was back on track again. Facing reality on my own.

Days had passed and then one night when  I fell asleep there you were standing right in front of me again. Staring. Staring right into my soul. No words. No words had been said. Not a gesture has been made.Just.. just nothing..

I was left blank again. Clueless. Speechless. Looking for answers as to “What do you want?”

How could you leave with no trace for years and just come back all of a sudden and make me feel so weak and startled all over again? I do not want this!

I have been living in my life happy after you leave, how can you make me doubt this happiness by just showing up?

Please stop.

Stop.

Originally posted by attack-clifford

It was last night (I hope it will really be the Last) , when your face was a character in my dreams again.

But this time, you were not alone.

You were with them.

Unlike the past dreams with no gesture made, no words uttered.. this time I heard you.

After years, I once again, heard your laughter.

After years, I once again, saw you cared.

After years, I once again, saw those eyes and how happy your soul was.

Maybe not with me, but with your own family.

And from there I finally realized why you were constantly doing some unsolicited appearance in my dreams.

It was because we never had closure, and you longed for it, we longed for it.

You wanted to say goodbye to what we had before you begin to have what you truly want.

You wanted us to be free from the baggage of the past.

You wanted to show how happy you were with the life you have after we decided to separate ways ,and you wanted to show me that I should be happy with it too.

You wanted to show me that there is a life, a reality waiting for us outside the fantasies we once created, and you already found it and it was my time to find it too.

I found the answer..

What do you want?

 

Closure.

Yes I had been hunted. Hunted by the past. But it was the hunting that made me, us, free again.

 

 

 

Feb2016

-N

The story..(Our Story)


As I was browsing my Tumblr account, I saw this post. This was the first poem i have written about him and I haven’t written anything after. 😦

 

 

 

They say all stories start with Once Upon a time..,

and ends in Happily ever after..

Is it how I’ll tell this story too?

Like how you started it when I asked you?

Well..Once upon a time there was this girl,

she hugs the walls, she push them all,

she used to believe she lives alone,

so when someone cares she doubts and drove them away.

Then one day he met a man,

the man he never expected.

He was the man, a handsome one (?)

the man who’s willing to embrace her.

She always doubts and find hard to believe,

thinking that he will soon leave..

but this man proves otherwise,

he never even left her nor think twice.

They may argue a lot, I say

just about small petty things..

but, its normal for them to misunderstood..

because they are two different creatures.

What they had was not a stage play,

what they had was not a dream,

What they had was never planned,

it is reality and it was meant to be.

Like all stories, it started as Once upon a time..

but not all stories, theirs has no end..

(Only Happy ever after)

 

 

 

-N

That dream..

 


Recovered post from Tumblr.


The other night I had a dream..

the dream was about you..

You were there.. standing right in front of me..

in a place we used to meet.

The picture was so clear.

you were wearing a white shirt and a pants..

you walk towards me.. closer..

a scenario I wouldn’t expect.

It was a starry night..

you were so close..

as I looked straight into your eyes

I see longing..

as if you missed me that much.

I do not know what to do.

I do not know how to react.

My body freezes..

because you were from my past.

But I was shocked with what I did

I Hugged you tight and asked..

“ What took you so long to come back?

You know I missed you so much”

But it was all a dream..

a one night dream..

because in reality..

you are getting married this January. :/

2016

 

 

 

-N

How to qualify as a Mom

Can you really call your self a mom if you really haven’t done your job “as a mom” and by “job as a mom” I mean the job of a mom as what society defines it to be.

To qualify as a mom you must experience all of the following: (Not just one or some,but All of it)


1. Give birth
2. ‎Breastfeed
3. ‎See your child grow
4. ‎Witness your child’s milestones.
5. ‎Remember when your child first walk
6. ‎Remember what’s your child’s first word
7. ‎Feed your baby
8. ‎Change your baby’s diaper
9. ‎Take a bath of your baby
10. ‎Send your baby to school
11. ‎Teach your child’s first language
12. ‎Sing lullaby to your child
13. ‎Read them books
14. ‎Tuck them to bed
15. see them grow


These are just the basic things that a mom should do (according to the societal standards) to qualify and be called A MOM.
Its alarming and bias isn’t it?

Mother nowadays are not the typicals. Gone are the days when women are too inferior than men that they don’t even deserve a place in the corporate world..or even to become leaders. Women nowadays,and mostly mothers are sharing the same loads as those of men. They deserve equal rights as their male counterpart.

Society should acknowledge the fact that there are portions of working women who are moms. They are working to provide for the family while climbing their way up to the corporate ladder. She is making sure she meet the needs of her two bosses- her family and her corporate boss.
She should not be at fault not seeing her child’s milestones because she is doing her best to cope up. And believe me it is the worst thing ever for a mom, to know less about her child.

What about those mom’s who portray the role of two personas? Those who struggle to be a mom and a dad disregarding her own personal happiness for her child’s sake? Or maybe asking someone to take care of her child while she source out the ways and means of surviving their life?
Do you think she don’t deserve to be called a mom for missing much? Without even thinking what she had to endure to survive?

What about the mom who choose to travel away from the family to secure their future?
She missed everything.. Knew her child based on photos and videos sent. Contented on the videocalls even if deep inside her heart is pouring out with pain.
Do you think she does not deserved to be called a mother just because she was not there?

Society should stop defining who’s who. Because women deserve everything in this life. They deserved to be heard. They deserve a place. And they deserved to be acknowledged as much as others are. Mothers, especially,are the group of women who are often underrated. People would say “oh they’re just moms.” Like its that simple.
Apparently to the world,mom’s are just those women who change their child’s diapers,breastfeed them and sing them lullabies. But in Reality,these group of women are the toughest species in the planet. They are heroes and have gone through a lot just to make sure their families enjoy a bright future. They sacrificed themselves.. They are selfless.. They are tough!

So how should one qualify to be called a mom?
Screw it!
Everyone can be a mom!
(Even if your not born with the v)

So to all women,especially Mom’s out there, do not let others define who you are or what you want to become because you are doing great!

Happy International Women’s Day!

-N

Pag ibig pa bang matatawag kung hindi ka na makahinga?

 

Pag ibig pa bang matatawag kung hindi ka na makahinga?
Bawat kibot pagnawala ka ang tanong ay “saan ka?”
Bawat pindot mo ng keypad mukha nya ay hindi maihulma..
Para bang sa bawat pag galaw mo’y may dulot na problema.
Tipong nakakasakal na.
Tipong hindi ka na makalanghap ng hangin bukod sa inyong hininga.
Ilang beses pa bang uulitin na mahal na mahal ka.
Ilang beses pa bang papatunayan na ikaw lang wala ng iba?
Kinuha mo na ngang lahat, puso,oras, pati buhay ko.
Hindi ka pa ba kontento?
Kinalimutan ko na nga sarili ko para sayo.
Kinalimutan ko na mga gusto ko para sa gusto mo.
Kinalimutan ko na mga kaibigan ko at binigay ang oras sayo ng buong buo.
Sobra na to!
Pagibig pa ba to o pagpapaka gago?
Sige nga sagutin mo.

 

 

 

 

-N

Nagising na lang akong hindi na nya ako mahal..

Flashback.

Isulat natin to sa tagalog para damang dama mo.

Dumating ka sa buhay ko ng biglaan.
Hindi naman kita hinanap.
Hindi rin naman kita inakit.
Bigla ka nalang dumating, nagpakilala,nanatili.
Nanalagi.. Ilang taon.
Ilang taon din diba?
Tagal na pala.
Ang tagal na pala nating mahal ang isat isa.
Ang tagal na pala tayong hindi makaalis ng wala ang isa.
Ang tagal na palang naging automatic mo akong kasama.
Sa lakad nyo ng tropa.. Kahit sa paglalaro mo ng dota.
Naalala mo nung pumunta pa tayo ng sagada?
Parang wala ng bukas dba?!
Tang ina sobrang saya!
Isinigaw mo pa sa mga ulap kung gano ako kahalaga.
Isinumpa mo pa sa araw at sinabing “mahal na mahal kita”,walang iwanan ha?
At yung ano..
Yung mga pagkaen sa kanto.
Natatandaan mo?
Kahit dun lang tayo kumaen tayo’y kontento.
Isang tusok ng kwek kwek na sampo bawat tatlo.
Isang inihaw na barbeque,hotdog at palamig na puro sago.
Kahit di man tayo pumunta sa mamahaling resto.
Ang mahalaga magkasama tayo.
Saya diba?
Inaantay ko na nga lang na tanungin mo ko..
Inaantay ko na nga lang na lumuhod ka sa harap ko para masabi kong oo!
Pero..
Lumuhod ka nga..
Oo nga..
Lumuhod ka pala.
Pero hindi para sabihing mahal na mahal kita papakasal ka ba?
Pero para sabihing.. Pasensya.
May mahal na akong iba.

-n

What it feels when you’re leaving and why you should overcome it.

Saying goodbye is always the hardest part. How can you leave when you’re already accustomed to the comfort of it? You have been with it for so long.. You already knew the flaws and still love every part of it. You already knew how to tickle the sweet part and forget the dark sides..

Some would ask,why would you leave something you are so comfortable with?

My answer? I don’t know.

Maybe the answer already lies in the question. I am way too comfortable, I am no longer challenged; or maybe, I don’t think growth comes along side with comfort.

Whatever the reason may be.. The feeling will still be the same. Leaving something is always and will always brings you sepanx( separation anxiety). Everything will be slow mo,making you reminisce all the good stuffs that happened during your years of stay. And as you try to pack your things, each has its own story. No matter how old that stuff may be,you will remember its history. Then as you roam around and spend your remaining days, you will appreciate every little thing, every person, every moment. You will notice even the slightest change, the smallest matter occupying a space in your place…

Suddenly you will find your self,thinking..

Should I leave or stay?

These occurrence will make you ponder,leaving your mind confused. The choice between leaving or staying will play on repeat.

Now,the moment of deciding comes..

Will you stay or leave?

It may be hard,actually it is the hardest,but you have to go through it. You just need to understand that as you withdraw from the situation,organization or relationship ,the memories will still remain with you as you go,it may leave you baffled;but keep in mind why you consider leaving at all.

Overcome the anxiety by savoring it but not holding unto it for so long. Store it as a memory but not as a chain to keep holding on.

(PS: Have you been stranded in some thing because you just can’t let go of the memories? Comfort? Share your story,and let’s figure it out!.)

-n