Hindi tayo ganon..

Sabi nila, kapag mahal mo lulunukin mo pride mo kahit mabulunan kana, kahit hindi ikaw ang may kasalanan,ikaw yung unang magsosorry kasi ayaw mong lumipas yung buong araw na magkaaway kayo, dahil ayaw mong masayang ang oras nyo sa bangayan at batuhan ng mga masasakit na salita o hindi magkibuan..

pero totoo pala talaga na sa isang relasyon, isa lang ang  ganon.

Isa lang kasi ang mas nagmamahal.

 Isa lang ang handang magpakumbaba para sa kanila.

 Isa lang ang mas umiintindi.

Isa lang ang mas nagmamahal..

Yung isa, naFall nalang. Sumakay nalang. Kaya kahit na magaway okay lang.

Mag hihintay nalang na kibuin, 

Maghihintay na lambingin.

Maghihintay na mahalin ng sobra,

at kung hindi, hahayaan nalang. sumakay nalang din. NAFALL LANG KASI.

Hindi ba pwede na pareho?

Parehong mahal na mahal ang isa’t isa?

Parehong handang magpakumbaba?

Parehong takot mawala ang isa?

Parehong nagbibigay ng sobra?

Parehong umuunawa?

Parehong nagbibigay para sa ikakaayos at ikatatagal ng relasyon?

PANTAY. WALANG KULANG.WALANG BIASE.

Hindi na kailangang mag hintayan kung sino una kikibo o maglalambing dahil sabay kayo gagawa ng paraan para maging maayos.

Hindi na kailangang bilangin kung sino laging umuunawa o umeefort kase pareho nyo alam na kung ano man ang binibigay ng bawat isa ay higit pa sa kailangan.

Kapag ganun, napakasarap siguro magmahal. Wala ka ng nanaisin pang gawin kung hindi ang magmahal dahil nasusuklian ka.. sobra sobra pa sa hinigi mo.

Araw araw nkaukit ang mga ngiti sa mga labi mo dahil araw araw ka nyang pinapasaya.

Lalo pa siguro magiging masarap mabuhay.

Ang sarap siguro..

Kaso hindi tayo ganun..

Hindi tayo ganon..

Hindi.

 


Recovered from Tumblr account

 

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The Hunt for Closure.


Recovered post from my Tumblr account.


 

I should have written about this weeks ago but I didn’t. Why? Because of two reasons, First, I do not find time to do so, Second, I cannot find the right words to.

 

I have been hunted for several nights. Three nights of you in my dreams,or maybe more. A week after a week I saw your face appeared in my wildest dreams. Why have you been doing this to me? What do you want?

It was the first night when the dream I had has been put into words when I wrote a poem about it. I knew you were getting married after a week of having that dream and I have nothing to do with it. You know that right? It’s been years already and no communication has been established. Why all of a sudden you would just play with me with the tricks you do of having an unannounced visit in my dreams? What do you want?

How could you just appear and leave no words. Are your skills in leaving me hanging being tested again?

Oh my, please fill me in.. What do you want?

I tried to erase the memories so I would focus on present and leave the visions I had. I do not want it. I do not want you to suddenly appear again and consume my thoughts. No, not ever again!

I was back on track again. Facing reality on my own.

Days had passed and then one night when  I fell asleep there you were standing right in front of me again. Staring. Staring right into my soul. No words. No words had been said. Not a gesture has been made.Just.. just nothing..

I was left blank again. Clueless. Speechless. Looking for answers as to “What do you want?”

How could you leave with no trace for years and just come back all of a sudden and make me feel so weak and startled all over again? I do not want this!

I have been living in my life happy after you leave, how can you make me doubt this happiness by just showing up?

Please stop.

Stop.

Originally posted by attack-clifford

It was last night (I hope it will really be the Last) , when your face was a character in my dreams again.

But this time, you were not alone.

You were with them.

Unlike the past dreams with no gesture made, no words uttered.. this time I heard you.

After years, I once again, heard your laughter.

After years, I once again, saw you cared.

After years, I once again, saw those eyes and how happy your soul was.

Maybe not with me, but with your own family.

And from there I finally realized why you were constantly doing some unsolicited appearance in my dreams.

It was because we never had closure, and you longed for it, we longed for it.

You wanted to say goodbye to what we had before you begin to have what you truly want.

You wanted us to be free from the baggage of the past.

You wanted to show how happy you were with the life you have after we decided to separate ways ,and you wanted to show me that I should be happy with it too.

You wanted to show me that there is a life, a reality waiting for us outside the fantasies we once created, and you already found it and it was my time to find it too.

I found the answer..

What do you want?

 

Closure.

Yes I had been hunted. Hunted by the past. But it was the hunting that made me, us, free again.

 

 

 

Feb2016

-N

Forbidden love and how to get out of it.

There’s a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable –  Mark Twain

“Masarap ang bawal”is what they say.  This is something that everyone agrees about.There is something about the forbidden that attracts you to engage to it, despite the fact that no one should actually do it.

…and we all have that one friend  who keeps on doing what is not meant to be done or maybe at some point in our life we were blinded by a forbidden love.  — I think I have to blame history for it. *face palm

Long time ago, the issue of forbidden love already takes place with the first relationship goal unlocked by Romeo and Juliet. Until now, the issue still rises. Whether it be forbidden because of different beliefs, family orientation, society issues and the like.

How do we really get out of it?

I think the secret to this will always be to DECIDE, and by decide I mean to be firm in your decision.Do it with your heart and mind.

It will not come easy, it will be the toughest decision you will make but I guarantee you it will be worth it.I hear you and  I know how hard it is  to throw away something you know you have worked hard for. You will have to endure the pain before you see the silver lining again. But if you are fully decided to leave, you may want to ( altleast) try  these practice:

BE READY

or atleast, be prepared. Be prepared for all the pain you need to overcome. The tears you have to shed. The heartaches,the flashbacks, the anxiety, the insomnia,the stress eating and whatever coping you need to undergo for you to feel whole again. If you want to leave, you need  to be ready for leaving. You need to set you heart and mind that whatever action you need to do will be the best way for you. You need to be ready for all the circumstances life will give you for you to heal the wound that was long existing but was ignored. Be ready for everything. Be ready for the catastrophe ( but make sure your friends are there when you may think of committing suicide.) and most importantly, BE READY FOR THE CHANGE.

Reverse Psychology

Your brain will the be culprit here. A time will come wherein memories of you doing things together  will flashback slowly with your theme song on a background. This will got you teary eyed and think that you cannot survive life without him/her, but please also remember the time when he/she did not show up on your date night because he/she have their family affair. The time when he/she ignored your messages when you needed him/her the most. The time when he/she blocked you on all his/her social media account and come up with a very obvious alibi after wards. and  the moment you caught her exchanging messages with him/her (legal) significant other.

Remember that? Remember the feeling of being an option but still convincing yourself that a time will come when you will be the only option. Well,truth hurts but it will never come. (for some, maybe it will). You will never become the only option because if that would happen, why not now? If he/she wants you over the other, why do he/she still engages and exchanges sweet nothings with endearments with the other person?

When your mind is feeding you with the sweetest memory there is, fight back! Remember the darkest of the darkest days you have gone through. This will prevent yourself from falling hard again.

IGNORE

Stop stalking him/her and checking his/her latest IG post and Facebook Status. Going gaga if he/she had post a #relationshipgoals photo on IG, or have changed his/her status from Married to  Single and even waiting for a pop chat  from his/her and wishing he/she was telling you that he/she left him/her family so you two can be together forever. Cut the crap! Ignoring him/her will save you from a lifetime of misery.

The mere fact that he/she can ignore you for days, it just means that you are not as important as you think you are. The fact that he/she never misses a family date night but always forgets your anniversary means that you are not the priority here.

STOP TRYING

You keep on tying to convince yourself you’re happy but you’re not. You keep trying to convince yourself that things will go back to the way they used to but they can’t. You keep on pushing yourself to the limits without knowing that you have already maximized it. Stop trying to be okay when you know you are not. Stop trying to fix something that does not require fixing. Just please stop trying to rekindle something that is already due to leave.

WAKE UP

Wake up from the dream! Face reality and face it with heads up! We do not live in a world of happy endings, where a damsel in distress will always be saved by a knight and shining armor. Where a broken heart will be healed by a wave of magic wand by our fairy God mother. We live in a world of lies, bullshit, judgments and uncertainty. Where we cannot expect to receive the love we are very willing to give freely. We live in the world that if you do not stand for yourself you will be pushed around.

A forbidden love will never succeed no matter how sweet the start may be because it is not yours to take. Nothing right will come, out of something wrong.

 

I am not saying that these can happen or true to all. Love is the most powerful thing in this world and it can make or break you. You just have to choose wisely, love wisely.

 

-N