A letter to my future husband.

Dear future husband,

I hope right now you are starting to be successful in your own career. I hope you finally made a decision on what path to pursue and on its way to making your dreams come true.
I hope that you are way too over with your past relationship but does not forgot the lessons it taught you. I hope that you are done with all the bullshits and life games and is ready to be selfless.
I know that you want to be pampered,but believe me I want it that bad too. But I want us to be partners. I want us to be fair and treat each other as equals. I hope we share the work and do everything together. I hope you understood that we are partners and no one is a servant or a king/queen.

I hope you learn to share everything with me. Your achievements, success, even your frustrations and your pain. I want to be there and celebrate with you or ease your pain.
I hope that you are willing to learn with me. Help me and understand me even when words are not uttered. I hope you can cope with the mood swings i have, impulsive decisions and non sense attitude. I hope you commit in understanding me even if im hard to understand, to love me even if i am not lovable, to correct my wrong doings and to be patient with me because I am willing to do the same with you.

I hope that I am making you proud today, and make you look forward for more tomorrows with me. I hope that I am the person you want to spend the rest of your life with and I hope that choosing me was one of the best decisions you’ve made because you are for me. I have made a lot of terrible mistakes that I am not proud of,but choosing you was one of the good decisions I have made.
I hope our story will be one of the stories you would want to share and play on repeat.
I hope that we always practice honesty and tell each other even the darkest secret, embarrassing moments, and tiniest details there is.

I hope we never lose respect with and for each other, and acknowledge that we have our individualities. That our life even in union still has difference and needs to breathe. So we will not loose ourselves trying to please the other.
I hope that we always trust each other. Always love each other and always be there with and for each other.
I hope that what we’re doing now will be best for us. I hope that we prove the world that we are match made in heaven. Everything that happened before there was even an us was God’s way of leading us to each other; and I hope that as we continue to be in this journey, may we be guided by God’s blessing of love and we’ll be open to embrace it.

PS: I am praying for you.

-your future wife.

Advertisements

A letter to the person I should not love,but I did.

I will start this letter saying sorry not sorry.
Sorry for the people I have hurt but I am not sorry because everything I did made me happy.
sorry for the people I have failed because I was so obsessed in this fairytale, but i am not sorry because i chose it. Every inch of it.
Sorry for the love of his life,for having the share of love that was supposed to be yours,but i am not sorry because i have loved him genuinely,purely and wholeheartedly. I have loved him when he needed love. When he asked for love.When you can no longer give the love.


So to you, Love,baby,honey, hubby..
I wanted you to know that you are my greatest love.
The love that sets my soul on fire. The kind of love that wakes me up and tucks me to bed with a smile tattooed on my lips. The love that makes me look forward to everyday.
The love I could’ve described perfect, except for the fact that you are married.

I became your Monday, Wednesday and Friday shift. She was your Tuesday, Thursday and weekends. She’s your pillow,your blanket, your comforter at night. I was just your short time.. Your  some time.

I have loved you for every second of it. I am even guilty of secretly wishing your marriage to fail,so you can come running into my arms and we can be together everyday. I wanted to spend my everyday seeing you beside me,and not just when circumstances seems fit.
You are mine and I am yours remember?
I made you smile again. I made you love life. I added color to it. I gave you the happiness she could no longer give. I loved you way better than she ever did. You are happy with me and I am sure of it.

What I am not sure of, was how long this fairytale would last. I was hoping forever. I was hoping it would never end. What we had was my safe haven.. My world… My life..
I wanted you to know that.
I wanted you to realize that.
What we had was special.. Magical.
But..
It was forbidden.

Maybe that is why you left .
Without goodbye without a kiss..without a word.
You just left.
Just like that.
As fast as how I got to know you.
As fast as how you came and took my world.

Guess forbidden love will never succeed.
You both made a promise that I was never part of.
I was outside your union,your circle.. Outside..
Not a part. Outcast.

But I wanted to remind you about our love,my love.
But I will not beg you to come and reciprocate it.
I just want you to acknowledge that once in your life you were loved by a person that should not love you..
And you show love to a person you shouldn’t love.

A letter to Papa,

Hey Papa! Father’s day is near. People are already preparing.. Promotions are already being thought about; gift suggestions are already being displayed..have you ever look forward for this day? I wonder. Did it ever occurred to you how special this day is? or it is just another normal day? I suppose the latter.

Hey Papa! Did you ever wish your daughter would call you some day and greet you ” Happy Father’s Day!” ? or maybe surprise you with a gift beside your bed, maybe its your favorite branded clothes, or car parts, or a subscription to a club, or maybe just take you out on a dinner? Did you Papa? or you never wished because you forgot that you even have a daughter? I suppose the latter.

Hey Papa! Did you ever feel envious? When your friends go on family trips together.,eat out together with the whole family..so complete..a mother, a father and their children? or you never feel any because you never want a complete family? I suppose the latter.

Hey Papa! Did you remember the first and last words you said to your daughter? How she initiated the conversation because you were too conceited and coward to speak to her? Did you papa? Maybe not! Because for you it was just another ordinary night. Just you making a conversation. Just you, granting the pleading request of your 18 year old daughter, for you to see eye to eye, talk heart to heart, for the first time in her 18 fucking years of existence! Which one Papa? I suppose the latter.

Well Papa, I wanted to tell you a lot of things. Ask a lot of questions. Clarify a lot of issues..but you are not ready for it,or never will be. However Papa, I want to greet you Happy Fathers Day! even if you do not deserve it.

Still, I wanted to tell you my sincerest THANK YOU! Thank you Papa! Thank you for breaking my heart before I was even born. More so, for tearing my Mama’s heart into pieces. You have made her,me, us stronger than we will ever be. Your absence taught me that not all men are strong enough to stand on their own feet. Some just plant seed and leave when the seed starts to sprout because it would mean responsibility.

Your absence taught me that not all men are strong enough to stand on their own feet. Some just plant seed and leave when the seed starts to sprout because it would mean responsibility.

Thank you for teaching me that I should be responsible for myself,for my decisions, for my actions. To accept my mistakes, learn from it and rise above. If not for you Papa, I will be dependent enough to your strengths or of other peoples’. If its not you Papa, I will not be this strong, because I gain what you lack.

I learnt to fight back the abuse of other men like you, who think women are just women. Inferior and exists only to please men. I learnt to speak up my rights and say no as an answer, things you can never do Papa, words you can never utter. I learned to protect Mama, to protect myself,and understand that even if sometimes we are weak, I can still stand up because who else will do? Its just us Papa, you weren’t there.

I learned to fight, fight until I have the strength to…

I learned when to speak and when not to..

and to show the world that no one’s actions and mistakes can ever define me and who I want to be! Not even you Papa, not even.

Thank you for that Papa.

I am genuinely grateful for that! Somewhat grateful that even if I do not have the will to choose a parent, you were given to me, because I will not be me if its not for you.

So for what its worth,

I genuinely greet you..

HAPPY FATHER’s DAY!!

_- from the best daughter you will ever have.

(or the only daughter you have)

When loving someone becomes draining..

You’re alone.. Sitting in a coffee shop tired of leaving life with no one to share this with..
Then life gives you battle you cannot overcome and a knight to save the damsel in distress..

You found yourself falling..
Falling hard..
Falling deeply madly hard with the person..

Without you knowing.. You have lost yourself in the process.

Maybe loving someone so much makes you forget yourself. You forgot who you are.. What you want.How to decide for yourself and what you really aspire for.
You have forgotten the ABCs you knew so well.

You are so consumed in working hard to please the other person that you dismiss your own needs. You run even if you wanted to walk,and drown because you forgot how to swim.

You have forgotten how to stand up for yourself because there’s a knight to save the princess anyway.

You have forgotten how to speak what’s in your mind and do what your body desires to.
You have got tounge tied,because less talk less mistakes right? Even if you knew that you’re quite the talker.

Its always been about the other person. The wants,the needs, the satisfaction of the other.

Its draining..
Its consuming..

But that’s what commitment is about right?

You commit to work hard to improve your relationship.
You commit to do everything for the betterment.

And it should be both of you. Because if its only you who does the work.. Then indeed it is draining.. It’s not love which is consuming.. It is the relationship. Because instead of two way..it becomes one way.

A relationship with only one whose willing to work is draining. Might as well walk out of it. This siuation gives you two choices..

Are you willing to risk being drained for the rest of your life? And will you patiently wait and try to swim until the other person tries to save you? Or just pack your bags and start anew?

Its your choice.

-N

The Supplement you never knew you needed

Customer demands are changing abruptly. Innovations has been side by side, and trends updates from time to time. The way people look and how other people will see them has become the most important concern in one’s day to day living. People’s confidence is now alongside with  their social media popularity. Even smart phones ride on with  this craze with their filtered camera. But at the end of the day, the unfiltered you will still be revealed. After all the cosmetics has been removed, you will see a reflection of your only comfort– your skin.

Our skin play important role in one’s appearance. It covers protects everything inside the body and it is no secret that it changes as we age. At some point, no filter could beautify, no concealer could hide, and the skin will be uneditable anymore. Maybe this is the time people evaluate how they really take care of the largest organ in our body? Is it kept healthy and supplied with the right vitamins it needs or it is simple taken for granted?

Enough of procrastination and start valuing what’s really important —- yourself!

Let me introduce the product that will change the way you perceive supplements, healthy living and whitening.

ForAdvertorialImage3

Crystal White Skin Supplement Antioxidant & Whitening is the supplement you never knew you needed. It feeds your skin with the right nutrients it needs to keep it healthy and glowing.

Crystal White Skin Supplement Antioxidant & Whitening is a 100% Japan made and is composed of 7 main ingredients.

L-Cystein, that  reduces melanin and directly lighten pigmentation.

Hithion Glutathione, an antioxidant and skin lightening that reduces biological oxidation.

Grapeseed reduces inflammation,stabilizes collagen and elastin and acts as a natural antihistamine in the protection and healing of connective tissue.

Vitamin C is one of the most potent antioxidant that protects the body from immune system deficiencies,cardiovascular disease and skin wrinkling.

Resveratrol, potent antioxidant that can inhibit platelet aggregation preventing free radical damage.

Polygonatum Odoratum,anti-aging and takes away free radicals.

Saxifraga Stonolifera,anti tumor and anti oxidant.

So basically, it is the supplement that do not focus on the whitening alone. Hence, it provides a lot of health benefits such as the following:

  • It can help regulate bowel movement. (aids in constipation)
  • Helps give you a better sleep.
  • Helps in giving you a toned body because it can help burn fats. (resveratrol)
  • It protect your cells from being damage due to sun exposure. (Grapeseed).
  • It interferes with tyrosine in releasing dark pigment in your skin. (L-cystein)

 

I have never seen a supplement that almost has it all! Get this product for only P1950.00 in any Dermcare, Belle La Peau, The Brow Hub branches nationwide. It also recently launched at Shoppee and BeautyMNL!

Profile Banner 2

 

Image1a

Hindi tayo ganon..

Sabi nila, kapag mahal mo lulunukin mo pride mo kahit mabulunan kana, kahit hindi ikaw ang may kasalanan,ikaw yung unang magsosorry kasi ayaw mong lumipas yung buong araw na magkaaway kayo, dahil ayaw mong masayang ang oras nyo sa bangayan at batuhan ng mga masasakit na salita o hindi magkibuan..

pero totoo pala talaga na sa isang relasyon, isa lang ang  ganon.

Isa lang kasi ang mas nagmamahal.

 Isa lang ang handang magpakumbaba para sa kanila.

 Isa lang ang mas umiintindi.

Isa lang ang mas nagmamahal..

Yung isa, naFall nalang. Sumakay nalang. Kaya kahit na magaway okay lang.

Mag hihintay nalang na kibuin, 

Maghihintay na lambingin.

Maghihintay na mahalin ng sobra,

at kung hindi, hahayaan nalang. sumakay nalang din. NAFALL LANG KASI.

Hindi ba pwede na pareho?

Parehong mahal na mahal ang isa’t isa?

Parehong handang magpakumbaba?

Parehong takot mawala ang isa?

Parehong nagbibigay ng sobra?

Parehong umuunawa?

Parehong nagbibigay para sa ikakaayos at ikatatagal ng relasyon?

PANTAY. WALANG KULANG.WALANG BIASE.

Hindi na kailangang mag hintayan kung sino una kikibo o maglalambing dahil sabay kayo gagawa ng paraan para maging maayos.

Hindi na kailangang bilangin kung sino laging umuunawa o umeefort kase pareho nyo alam na kung ano man ang binibigay ng bawat isa ay higit pa sa kailangan.

Kapag ganun, napakasarap siguro magmahal. Wala ka ng nanaisin pang gawin kung hindi ang magmahal dahil nasusuklian ka.. sobra sobra pa sa hinigi mo.

Araw araw nkaukit ang mga ngiti sa mga labi mo dahil araw araw ka nyang pinapasaya.

Lalo pa siguro magiging masarap mabuhay.

Ang sarap siguro..

Kaso hindi tayo ganun..

Hindi tayo ganon..

Hindi.

 


Recovered from Tumblr account

 

The Hunt for Closure.


Recovered post from my Tumblr account.


 

I should have written about this weeks ago but I didn’t. Why? Because of two reasons, First, I do not find time to do so, Second, I cannot find the right words to.

 

I have been hunted for several nights. Three nights of you in my dreams,or maybe more. A week after a week I saw your face appeared in my wildest dreams. Why have you been doing this to me? What do you want?

It was the first night when the dream I had has been put into words when I wrote a poem about it. I knew you were getting married after a week of having that dream and I have nothing to do with it. You know that right? It’s been years already and no communication has been established. Why all of a sudden you would just play with me with the tricks you do of having an unannounced visit in my dreams? What do you want?

How could you just appear and leave no words. Are your skills in leaving me hanging being tested again?

Oh my, please fill me in.. What do you want?

I tried to erase the memories so I would focus on present and leave the visions I had. I do not want it. I do not want you to suddenly appear again and consume my thoughts. No, not ever again!

I was back on track again. Facing reality on my own.

Days had passed and then one night when  I fell asleep there you were standing right in front of me again. Staring. Staring right into my soul. No words. No words had been said. Not a gesture has been made.Just.. just nothing..

I was left blank again. Clueless. Speechless. Looking for answers as to “What do you want?”

How could you leave with no trace for years and just come back all of a sudden and make me feel so weak and startled all over again? I do not want this!

I have been living in my life happy after you leave, how can you make me doubt this happiness by just showing up?

Please stop.

Stop.

Originally posted by attack-clifford

It was last night (I hope it will really be the Last) , when your face was a character in my dreams again.

But this time, you were not alone.

You were with them.

Unlike the past dreams with no gesture made, no words uttered.. this time I heard you.

After years, I once again, heard your laughter.

After years, I once again, saw you cared.

After years, I once again, saw those eyes and how happy your soul was.

Maybe not with me, but with your own family.

And from there I finally realized why you were constantly doing some unsolicited appearance in my dreams.

It was because we never had closure, and you longed for it, we longed for it.

You wanted to say goodbye to what we had before you begin to have what you truly want.

You wanted us to be free from the baggage of the past.

You wanted to show how happy you were with the life you have after we decided to separate ways ,and you wanted to show me that I should be happy with it too.

You wanted to show me that there is a life, a reality waiting for us outside the fantasies we once created, and you already found it and it was my time to find it too.

I found the answer..

What do you want?

 

Closure.

Yes I had been hunted. Hunted by the past. But it was the hunting that made me, us, free again.

 

 

 

Feb2016

-N

That dream..

 


Recovered post from Tumblr.


The other night I had a dream..

the dream was about you..

You were there.. standing right in front of me..

in a place we used to meet.

The picture was so clear.

you were wearing a white shirt and a pants..

you walk towards me.. closer..

a scenario I wouldn’t expect.

It was a starry night..

you were so close..

as I looked straight into your eyes

I see longing..

as if you missed me that much.

I do not know what to do.

I do not know how to react.

My body freezes..

because you were from my past.

But I was shocked with what I did

I Hugged you tight and asked..

“ What took you so long to come back?

You know I missed you so much”

But it was all a dream..

a one night dream..

because in reality..

you are getting married this January. :/

2016

 

 

 

-N

I am a WOMAN and I deserve EQUALITY

In a world where everyone believes in equality is a group who still fights for their right.
It’s a group who still struggles to have a name, to be heard, to be seen, to be appreciated, to be loved, and to express..
A group who have long been muted by society who’s rights are defined but not exercised..

Who’s responsibilities are endless but capacity is limited.
These group…are women.
Women,who,no matter how empowered still at one point or another becomes inferior.
Women,who,no matter how loud they scream seems inaudible..
Women, who,no matter how hard they work will always stay at the bottom.

It’s hard to be a woman.
It’s hard to always fight for your right wherever,whenever.
It’s hard to always fight because you knew that you don’t have to but they provoke you.
It’s hard to always explain yourself to anyone,everyone.
Its hard because you knew that you don’t owe anyone an explanation.
Its hard to always be misunderstood,
To always be judged,
To always be cursed,
To always be humiliated,
To always be disgraced,
To always be blamed,
To always be themselves..

Why does it have to be difficult breathing?
Why does it have to be difficult existing?

I am a woman!
And I deserve what you deserve,
Not because I am greedy,
But because I deserve equality.

‘What if your life ended this minute?

I stumbled upon a Facebook  video shared by reset.fit entitled

‘What if your life ended this minute?

Watching it got me thinking like, What if I was not ready and my life ended this minute? What will I do? What will I say before it happens? and Where will I go after that?

Death as they say is inevitable. Everyone will die at some point in their lives, some just left sooner than others. However, no matter how much you anticipate death, it is still scary. We will never be ready for it, emotionally at least.

The video I watched left questions for viewers to answer. Let’s try to answer the questions one by one and contemplate on life.

  1. What do you love about yourself?

 

uhm. I love that I can now be myself and do what I really want with my life. I love that I am sensitive of other people. I’d like to think that I can easily symphatize and emphatize with other people. I easily know if they are hurt, offended or genuinely happy by looking at their faces. I love that I care too much and care less whichever is necessary.

 

2. Do you have any regrets about your life?

 

I would like to say I don’t, but truth is, I have.

I regret not taking chances with people, relationships. I regret not trusting the right people when I was younger. I built my walls so high no one could come close. I was so afraid to get hurt that I always stayed on my comfort zone.  Because of that, I ended up trusting the wrong people and let the right people go.

But even if I regret some decisions I made, I am still thankful for it. It made me wiser, it made me realize what works and what doesn’t. It made me stronger and taught me life lessons based on first hand experiences.

 

3. If you were given one more chance, what would you do?

 

I could not turn back time and  re-do or undo things. What I will do is make the most of it. Learn from the past experiences and make sure not to repeat the same mistakes twice. I will love until I have nothing to give. I will appreciate even the smallest things and live life not thinking about what ifs and what could be’s more than the experiences it may bring me.

I will live everyday as a fresh start and do the things that I love. I will try new things, conquer my fears and I will love life even more!

 

0eaba792e70c8d49fd5307bcb9bac5c0

How about you? Are you brave enough to  answer those three (3) questions?

 

 

 

 

-N